Dear, Dear, Palin.

Dear Palin,

I hear you are upset about the fact that Family Guy made fun of your son.  The one with Down Syndrome.  Well, let me be not nearly the first to say I’m so sorry…that you didn’t just go fuck yourself.

First of all, were you watching the show?  No.  You know why?  Because it’s not for you.  It’s not entertaining to you.  So who gives a shit what you think about it?  That would be like asking me to review a Wiggles album.  Of course I think it’s shit.  Because it’s not made for me.

Second, enough with the bullshit about not making a retarded baby’s life harder.  If getting made fun of on Family Guy is the worst thing that happens to him…well, it won’t be.  He was already born with Down Syndrome, and I’m pretty sure that’s the worst thing that’s going to happen to him with the possible exception of his 23^rd birthday which he will likely be spending in the grave when his “heart of gold” (your words) gives out because he is such a special angel blessing from God.

I didn’t hear a whole lot from you when the same show made fun of blacks, people in wheelchairs, anorexics, Mexicans, Arabs, Christians, Muslims, old people, victims of abuse, poor people, the homeless, Milli Vanilli, midgets, southerners, brain-damaged adults, physically deformed children, overweight people, JOHN MCCAIN, republicans, democrats, gay people, the Irish, doctors, alcoholics, talking goddamn dogs, and so on.

In the future, maybe a good way to avoid this situation would be to stop carrying that baby around on your arm all goddamn day, every time a camera flashes.  Maybe you should treat him like a child instead of a scarf or a mascot for a nonexistent political career.  Some suggested activities could include reading to him, assuming that you are possessed of the ability to read yourself.

And stop it with the stupid glasses.  I know you’re shooting for the John Hughes-in-reverse thing where the beauty queen puts on glasses, puts up her hair, and becomes smarter.  But much like it doesn’t work for nerds to get hot by putting down their hair, a lesson most of us learned in 4^th grade (thank you, Bridgette Rinfen), it also doesn’t magically make you smarter to go the other way.

However, I will listen carefully to your opinions as soon as I hit a point in my life where I decide I want my teenage daughter to have a baby and to sell my son to the military to make a career for myself.

You are the worst thing to happen to politics in the last decade.  I say that as a person who respects women and has to wonder at the fact that the stupidest one hit the spotlight hardest.

Not hot, not funny, not smart, makes retarded babies, shitty hair, political loser, life loser, mother of a teenage mother, bad interviewee.